you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
i now understand why vodka
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
