woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Randomize
