All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
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