The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I just googled if crying burns calories
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
