someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
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