No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
