Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
