don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
