im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Randomize
