I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
