Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
