A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
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