I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Randomize
