girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
