How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
