She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
