i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Randomize
