How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I just want to make out with him forever
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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