the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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