Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
