The maid of honor just puked.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Randomize
