using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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