He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
So apparently I’m into choking now
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
