his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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