I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I will pee on everything he values.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Randomize
