What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
