i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
