"it" just moved
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Randomize
