dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I understand Curling. That high.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
