i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
