Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
