so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Randomize
