Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
