she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
