Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
