She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize