When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
