I'm lost and stupid without you.
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
My cat gives me a boner
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
