In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
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