My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
