We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
