Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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