And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
