Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Success! We fucked roommates!
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
