sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
