You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I think my moral compass just broke
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