Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Randomize
