Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
