I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
