Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
