Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Hippo gnu deer
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
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