im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Is Oprah even human
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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