do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
you're hired as official boob wrangler
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize