Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
