Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
