Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
