When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
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