would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
