he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
