I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
pray to the hookup gods
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Randomize
