It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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