OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
