I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
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