Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize
