I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
