I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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