why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize