I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
